Loving Beyond Fear

A few weeks ago I was talking with a friend. She had reached out to several people who were not receptive and now she felt hurt and angry. When I first moved to the area in which I now live, I brought with me a lot of fear baggage, of which I was unaware. I had a lot of issues around inclusion, intimacy, community and trust, which became part of my interactions. As a result I alienated many people. I live in a small town environment and everyone knows everyone else. My first few years here were very painful.

 

Then something interesting happened. I started saying and doing things that were totally out of character for me, hurtful things I would not consciously choose to say or do. I did not plan to say or do these things; I was shocked as the words came out of my mouth and uncomfortable with my own actions. It was as if I had no control, no time to consider before I acted or spoke. Feeling out of control like this was scary and painful to me. The way it hurt others was also scary and painful. I am a very loving, sensitive person. Hurting others hurts me.

 

I spent several years in this pattern of behavior. I thought about the things I said and did, over and over and over and over, being hard on myself, wondering if and how I could make it all better. An example: one sunny afternoon I was sitting on a bench in a park near where I live. Someone I knew (although not very well) and liked walked into the park. He saw me and I waved and smiled at him. I was happy to see him and hoping he would join me. He started walking in my direction until he was right in front of the bench. All of a sudden my shyness and awkwardness got so strong I could not handle it. I looked away, totally ignoring him. I could not acknowledge his presence. It was like I had invited him to join me and then shunned him. He walked away. I felt terrible for hurting him and was hard on myself for not being able to connect with him the way I wanted. I did not understand why I responded the way I did.

 

After many years of this type of behavior, I realized why it happened. Because I was unconscious of just how much fear I was carrying around, and because I needed to be aware so I could work it through, the fear came out in increasingly escalating, jarring ways until I paid attention. Once I realized this, and started working on it, I felt much better. I also realized how much my fear and fear behavior supported me in learning and growing. Even when things were painful and difficult, I was being loved and given everything I needed for things to be better.

 

This whole experience drove home another important lesson. Each time I acted from fear, the underlying desire was not to hurt anyone, it was to love and be loved. The more I wanted to love and be loved, the more afraid I was of opening myself up and getting hurt, which resulted in my keeping people away. I also realized that all the people around me also wanted to love and be loved and I noticed how their fears of getting hurt played out in their interactions. It happens in many different ways, but it is all fear, and underneath it all is love.

 

Understanding and embodying this awareness is moving me from the desire to love and be loved, to being love itself. I still seek connection and communion with others, but it is different now. I have more compassion for myself and for others and am not as hurt when someone does not respond to me the way I hoped. Although I still respond to others from fear sometimes, actually more than I would like, I can see that it is just fear and I can be okay with my fear rather than being as hard on myself as I was in the past. And although it still hurts if others do not respond to me the way I would like, I can sense their fear and no longer take it as personally. I can also sense their love essence and I can love them for who they are, even if it is from a distance when that is the best choice. Experiencing the love beyond the fear, I can sense beyond the immediacy of a situation and place it in its larger context. We are all learning and growing. It is beautiful.

 

Linda White Dove

http://www.lindawhitedove.com

 

OutTakes

As I have been editing my book manuscript, I have removed a lot of material due to it being redundant, off topic, or otherwise not a good fit. A lot of what I removed is still useful and, I believe, worthy of sharing with you here. Please pardon any formatting inconsistencies and grammatical errors, this material is in rough, unedited form.

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To live in oneness and experience physical health means living in awareness and utilization of the relational nature of the field. It is not having all the answers about how things work, but rather understanding how to live in harmony; in right relationship with yourself and the larger context of life. Your body understands this because it is a system. The systemic, relational nature of your body is so is innate that left to its own devices (without fear and limiting beliefs), over time your body would remember and return to its state of perfect health (oneness). Your body is “programmed” for perfect health.

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Unfortunately when a belief or way of living is considered normal, it becomes so ingrained we often do not realize there is another way. If you lived your entire life in a box, you do not realize you are in a box because you can view the box from outside and see it for what it is. You just see what you always see and you consider that the way life is. A cultural norm is the same thing except it includes many people instead of just one. Cultural norms create blind spots, but like with driving a car, just because you cannot see something does not mean it is not “there.”

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One of the biggest challenges in creating loving relationships is the belief in lack. Looking at the world through lack tainted glasses, love is a limited resource. Believing in lack means doing whatever you feel you need to do to find a partner and keep them in your life because you want to love and be loved. Yet, for most people, having a partner does not mean having the love you need. If you do not truly and completely love yourself, you will feel a sense of self lack, which will manifest in fear of not having love. Therefore along with the relationship will be fear of not having it; of losing it. Relating from duality consciousness, love and lack often go hand in hand.

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Experiencing the field as energy removes the personification baggage so you can feel it working with you, for you and always supporting you. The field is love, not in the personified baggage way, but as energy offering a constant stream of love everywhere all the time. The field acts as a reflection of your intent to help you manifest it or to change it if what you think you want is clouded by limiting beliefs and would not bring you the fulfillment you seek. It is the perfect parent, best friend and love of your life, without the personification of baggage. Its intent is totally clear of personal goals because it is impersonal. It is you as your infinite self.

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In order to receive, you have to open. The openness associated with receiving is the same openness associated with letting go. Think about your hands, if they are clenched in fists, you can neither release nor receive. But when you open your hands you can release whatever you are holding onto as well as outstretch your hands to receive whatever comes next. Releasing and receiving are the same process.

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I believe that everything and everyone is spiritual because it is all part of the larger picture of life. Even if a person does not consider themself spiritual, they are still part of the larger picture of life that is larger than just their individual self. Belief is not what makes someone spiritual; existence is what makes someone spiritual. Nobody is more spiritual than anyone else; we all exist to the same extent. A person on a conscious spiritual path is aware of the innate spirituality of existence and is consciously choosing to live in accordance with it. This does not make them any more or less spiritual than anyone else; it just means they choose to be aware of the spiritual nature of life and to intentionally align with it.