I have been thinking a lot about the power of dance and of eye contact. A few years ago I had an experience with dance and eye contact that was very healing for me. It happened at Dance Camp at the Sultry Café.
Dance Camp is a gathering of several hundred dancers from all around the world, united by a love of dance. During the day there are workshops. In the evening there are dances, some with a theme. The Sultry Café is a themed dance. It is about exploring the sensual and sexual aspects of movement in an environment that is based on self awareness and taking responsibility for your actions. Participants are educated in self awareness and communication skills, and there are guidelines for appropriate behavior. This creates a foundation of consciousness around sexuality, making the dance a safe space for exploration and stepping out of your comfort zone, if you wish.
I have been to Dance Camp, and the Sultry Café, twice. The first time I went to the Sultry Café, I was surprised at how comfortable I felt. It was the only event at Dance Camp where I felt like I was totally at home, in my element. That was a very eye opening awareness for me. The second year, I had two goals in mind, two ways I wanted to challenge myself. The first goal was to dance as closely to my partners as possible. I often keep a lot of physical distance with my dance partners. I love physical closeness and intimacy, the closer the better, but I am concerned with coming across as too intimate and having to deal with misunderstandings or hurt feelings (theirs and mine).
My second goal had to do with my discomfort with people watching me dance. The Sultry Café was set up with a bench for people who wanted to watch the dancing. It was labeled with a sign that said “voyeurs.” Anyone who wanted to dance for an audience could dance in front of the bench. I waited a while until I noticed a group of women sitting together on the bench. I figured it would be less intimidating for me to dance for women (I am not attracted to women so it felt safer) so I decided to take the opportunity. Unfortunately they all diverted their eyes; they were uncomfortable. I decided to wait a while and try again with someone else.
My opportunity came when I noticed a man sitting alone on the bench. I asked him if I could dance for him. He looked surprised and said “yes.” Near the end of the bench where he was sitting, there was a veil stapled to the wall, part of the decorations. I danced inside the veil while he watched. He seemed to enjoy the dance. He was leaning into it and his breathing had changed. He asked if he could touch me. I said “no,” but I did keep dancing. I felt a mix of power and discomfort. The song seemed to go on forever. When it was over, I confided in him that it was not easy for me to dance with someone watching and I thanked him for the opportunity to dance for him. Then I left the bench area and went on to dance with other people. One of the things I like about the Sultry Café is, because it is designed for exploration, I felt like I could try new things without any misunderstandings or expectations for afterwards. That gave me a much needed sense of freedom. I had a great time dancing with a lot of body and eye contact. I was very present with my dance partners. I felt open, accepting and loving. Some of my dances were very sweet, some were really sensual and a few were extremely wild. When I left the safe container of the Sultry Café, I felt satiated and content.
Several days passed. Still at Dance Camp, I was in a workshop. The man I danced for at the Sultry Café was also in the workshop. He seemed excited to see me, and came up to me to say hello before the workshop started. He told me how much he had enjoyed my dance. I felt uncomfortable. The Sultry Café felt safe for me to open up, but now that I was not in that environment, I did not feel as open. I told him I was feeling uncomfortable talking about it, and I tried to leave the conversation but he kept talking as if he had not heard me. It took me several times of telling him I was uncomfortable and needed to not talk about the dance before I got the message across. The workshop began and I kept a distance from him. He seemed “creepy.”
At the end of the workshop was an activity where each person spent a few minutes making eye contact with every other person. I found myself in front of the man from the Sultry Café. My first instinct was to walk away, but something in me felt like it was important to do the activity with him. We looked into each other’s eyes and what I saw changed me forever. I saw a beautiful person who, just like me, wanted to be accepted and loved. I no longer saw him as creepy. The feelings of discomfort were replaced by feelings of love. Several times after the workshop when we saw each other we stopped and enjoyed the eye contact and loving feelings.
Years later I still feel wonderful when I think about the experience. It continues to inspire me to look beyond surface appearances, behaviors and assumptions and relate from the purity of heart I felt that day. I am also aware of my desire for sexuality to be a “force” of healing and unity, rather than separation and destruction. I continue to deepen my embodiment of both these ways of being, as they are central to my personal path and life’s work. In this way, the experience I had at the Sultry Café and the days of Dance Camp that followed continues to unfold, building loving community each time I use my courage to see from love and acceptance.
More on this topic soon.
Linda http://www.lindawhitedove.com
Copyright 2008 Linda White Dove
